It's 4th o' July, 5: 15 am.

It's, what, the 3rd day of Anime Expo, right? Wells, I've been quite upset about missing out on it. I mean, for a good while now, I haven't had the motivation to draw. I did draw a few things over time, like Life Is Like A Forum, but, eh, it's not enough for me. I was hoping to go and get some inspiration, but damn it all. My bad.

I'm in a slump. Have been for a good, long time. Over the course of a few short years, the drive to accomplish everything has diminished. People do what they do and they push themselves usually for their own satisfaction, but my own standards and goals are quite low now. I mean, not counting myself, who am I impressing? Some people on a forum? Some people on deviantart? The people I assume are friends? It's jus kinda sad that there isn't anyone I believe I need to impress, not even myself.

Yeah, artists get artist/writers block, and yeah, any drivel about "you have to push yourself" has already been said. I've analyzed nearly every aspect of my situation, and, augh, where is the answer? How can I get myself back on the horse? Do I do it for myself? Do I do it for someone else? What's my meaning? Why do I even bother?

I always enjoy making people laugh, playing around, being me. I like to impress people, but I guess I've realized that, yeah, it is pointless. Taking a look at the people I've wanted to impress when I was in a relationship, when that ended, who was left? Who cares after a few months? Time really does make everything fade away.

Ha ha, and here I'm a walking hypocrite, because every bit of futility and pointlessness I see in the world, is the exact opposite I'll tell anyone. Everyone ought to strive for better, 'cause I know everyone has room for growth and potential to become quite good at anything anyone sets their mind to. Impress yourself, and you'll impress others. Nothing in this world has no point. Stupidity is everywhere, but thank God for granting some with creativity to counter that.

But I guess I jus don't care. I haven't cared for years, really. Then why am I still here? Why am I still looking for inspiration? I don't know. I guess I'm waiting for someone that can spark it for me, or something. It didn't work out in my last relationship, and the problem was me, sure, I'll admit to that, but, whew, there were plenty of problems with her. Where am I gonna find someone that isn't so problematic? That can see the world the way I see it. Doesn't even have to be a girl (wouldn't mind), but, Jesus, everyone has soo many problems, it's jus, augh. Honestly, tho, if I ever find someone that isn't as problematic as everyone else in the world, I want to impress that person. Yeah, yeah. That's who I want by my side. That's who's going to impress me. That's who I want to show my work to, and that's who's going to help me be more like the me I want to be.

'Cause at the moment, I'm at a standstill. There's so many people that are much more important, with problems that they need to fix, and they can't fix them themselves. That why I worry about them, and hardly care about myself. Why do I do that? 'Cause I know that at least they'll be better off and they'll appreciate life a little better than this ol' sack of bones.

Eh, believe me, I'm not trying to be deep or anything. I mean, I think I'm quite open-minded, it's why I can see many different sides of an argument. I've believed that arguing on the internet or with other people isn't pointless, there's an opportunity there to learn. But, for all I can see, there's nothing I can see that's enough to make me want to do something. I wonder if I'm making sense at all.

There are people I like, people I love, but, I don't know. The more I see it, the more I keep coming to the conclusion. I can learn about people, see what they see and understand how people think. But no one, NO ONE does it for me. No one can see the world the way I see it. No one bothers to ask me about my day, in the way that I ask others. Eventually, no one comes to me, eventually, no one wants me. Eventually, pride for me turns into disappointment, and the world becomes a pretty unimpressive place. And yet, I'm still here. I'm still learning. I'm still figuring people out (it's become kinda easy overtime), I'm still looking for the person I think can really help me.

The one that sees the world as you do is the one you ought to keep by your side. I suppose people that have found true love have that common element. It's so obvious, right? You have to go thru breakup and such, but eventually you'll find that person. As a romantic, that's something I've always believed.

Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm at fault. I'm always at fault, not saying the world is turning on me or anything. That kind of thinking is pathetic. Jus, augh, haven't told anyone anything in a good long while. Then again, no one's asked, and the one's that have asked are the ones I don't think can help me.

5:35 am. Guess that wraps this up. I'm still going to try drawing. I'm still going to be a lost 'cause. I'm still going to be analyzing people and keep seeing how they're wrong. Guess what matters on that part is whether I like someone enough to be polite and agree even tho they're wrong, or jus tell 'em that. Ah, but who cares what ol' me has to say, huh? I mean, after all, not like I have lasting relationships that can speak for me.

Know what sucks? Not having someone to fall back on when you're down... and having to blog about it for attention. Then again, at one point or another, we're all like that. Hmm...

I hope the girl's cute. You're all wankers.